Dear Friend, I’m Sorry

I am perseverating on my day.  I’m stuck in an emotional state that I don’t want to be stuck in. I’m feeling guilty and sad. I’ve taken a walk. I’ve played some ping pong with my daughter. I’ve tried to relax. I’m still stuck.  A friend and colleague and fellow slicer calls this state paralysis by analysis. This same person advised me a while ago that writing a letter had helped her improve her emotional state. I’m going to give it a try.

Dear Friend and Colleague and Thought Partner,

I’m so sorry.

I know we had an open and honest conversation this afternoon.

I know we are OK.

I know we will move forward and continue to do amazing work together.

I’m so sorry.

I know my flurry of anxious early morning texts were filled with stress.

I know my emails were confusing and maybe even a bit terse.

I know I wasn’t my best self.

I’m so sorry.

You did not make me upset.

I made myself upset.

I could blame it on a really hard two weeks of distance learning.

I could blame it on not getting enough exercise.

I could even blame it on COVID-19.

But I’m not going to do that.

I overreacted. 

I don’t really know why I got so upset.

Every day has felt confusing and unclear and hard.

I don’t know why I got so worked up today.

I’m so sorry.

 

 

9 thoughts on “Dear Friend, I’m Sorry”

  1. Oh no! You were so happy when I saw you in a meeting yesterday, I thought- touched, but happy. When I read your first line, my mind went to exactly the phrase you mentioned. Push past it! Hopefully the letter helped you. You are working so hard and thoughtfully. Take the weekend to relax and enjoy the time with your family away from screens.

  2. Emotions are high right now. We all want to be doing our best work and it isn’t easy… there is no manual! We’re all lucky to h e each other to lean on. We will all have (and have had) these moments…because we care so much. You’re doing great things. ❤️

  3. This slice is so heartfelt. Everyone has their moments. And these moments are happening more these days for me too because of all the newness and craziness in the world. We’re all in this together. ❤️

  4. It’s all going to be OK – it is. Part of all this is leaning on our own strengths and dealing with our own weaknesses. Your letter is honest, heartfelt and real. I hope that writing served it’s purpose for you! We are all in this together – we have so much to be thankful for! Don’t beat yourself up for too long! You are doing GREAT, AMAZING work that is bringing people together to be the best distance teachers they can be for children!! Hugs to you!!

  5. I’m so sorry to hear you are having a rough time of it. I think the letter-writing idea is great. You did a great job of sincerely expressing your apologies. I think many of us feel similar inadequacies right now. You are not alone! It is probably that you care so deeply about your students and the oddities of the job now set before you, that you showed your colleague your vulnerabilities and impatience with yourself, not him/her or anyone else, but just yourself. Hang in there. You will get through this (and so will your students). Hugs.

  6. Email is hard and we are all struggling to be our better selves when the ground is shifting. I find screen time to make me anxious. So today I gave myself a break from work and had a “Saturday” or what that means now. Hope you did too. I’m sure your friend understands.

  7. You once told me that words can heal. Your poem show how much you care. We wouldn’t get upset or stressed if we didn’t. You help and help and help. A big virtual hug to you.

  8. My Dad used to say, “some days you eat the bear, and some days the bear eats you.”
    I’m sorry the bear got you today.
    😦 Tomorrow is a new day.

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